singularjustice | ♔ [Text]

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[ If anyone is looking for N, he will not be easy to find. His Pokemon seem to be missing too, though his name still registers on the SFC. However, he does not seem to be answering messages, though one is free to leave one and try their luck.

He does, however, send out short messages to anyone he has made plans to meet with this week, leaving them a short message that simply says: I need to cancel this week. Sorry. ]

[Private Text to Red]
I'm sorry I upset you.

But I can't be sorry for fighting Silver. I'll leave him alone now. He's got his choices, and I said what I wanted to say.

But I couldn't just let him go like that. Let him take Feraligatr back and think he had won, that everything was going to be okay the way it was. Maybe it's not important to anyone else, what a trainer does to his Pokemon. Maybe to everyone else the rights of a human is more important. But not to me.

Green's right. I don't deserve you. I'm not like other people and I'm never going to be. This just proves it.

[ The message ends there, and then, a few minutes later: ]

Go to the Clinic if you're still feeling bad. And get some sleep.

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[ N is struggling not to cry. ]

I need to learn how to take care of myself. I'm always in trouble, and everyone else has to get me out of it. I'm always clinging to other people...

[...a quiet sigh.]

N-kun...things aren't so black and white as that.

Have you considered, perhaps, that I want to know where you are because I'd like your company?

[ A pause. ]

...no.

[ Another. ]

But that's not why you called, is it?

[...well he'll always be honest. His friends deserve honesty.]

No. I called because I was concerned--but I would still like your company, if you'd have me.

...don't be concerned about me.

[ He very nearly hangs up, but pauses. ]

Have you checked on Red? And how is Ryoji? He sounded upset.

[...]

Red is fine. I checked on him earlier, and told him to get some rest.

[...hnngh ryoji]

Ryoji-kun--

[He hesitates. A quiet, quiet--is that a huff?]

Ryoji-kun will be fine. He just needs some time.

Is Green still with him?

[ A pause. He hears that huff, and wonders if they fought. ]

...are you okay?

When I met him, Green-kun wasn't, no. I am sure Red can take care of himself.

[....hesitation.

He doesn't want to lie, and so he hesitates. Is he okay...? He settles for a happy medium.]

I'll be fine, N-kun. It isn't anything to be concerned about.

[Does this sound familiar--]

So we can both not be concerned about each other.

[ Wait. Was that sarcasm? N says it like he says anything else, and he is not the type to be sarcastic. ]

...Yes.

Or...

We can talk. As friends, and as equals. But it's your decision, N-kun--I won't think less of you either way.

...

[ There is a long silence. Then a small, childish: ]

You don't want to scold me?

[His response is equally quiet.]

I don't have anything to scold you for.

[...and, somewhat amused--]

You found something you were willing to fight for, huh?

...I've always been willing to fight for it.

[ He murmurs. ]

I just always go about it the wrong way.

...It seems to me like you're more certain now.

[...hmmm.]

Violence maybe wasn't the best option, but what you did also wasn't the worst. Don't be so hard on yourself, N-kun; you have to put everything into perspective.

I didn't know of any other way to do it. He'd stolen his Pokemon back, and he didn't seem to care what anyone else said...

He probably doesn't care even now.

[ N's voice is sad. ]

I won't bother him any more. I can't change him. But I couldn't just let it go like that. Doing nothing. His poor Pokemon...

...You're wrong.

You can change him. You've probably already started to change him.

Because...even if not much, next time he goes to do something, he'll remember this. And he'll think about it.

I hope so. I hope he learns...

It's already started. His Feraligatr turned on him in the middle of a battle. He'll try to beat it into submission, but that will only work for so long. There's already so much anger in it...

[ It is easier, to talk about others instead of himself. Even Pokemon. ]

[That's not good enough for Minato, though.]

...Yes. He'll have to learn. You only got it started.

[...]

But that isn't why you're pushing everyone away. Why are you isolating yourself?

[ There is silence again, this one extensive. ]

I need to learn to take care of myself.

[ He sounds determined about that, at least. ]

[...hmmm. He wonders why this came all of a sudden, but--]

...You don't think you're learning already?

Learning to take care of yourself doesn't mean being alone.

I'm not. I'm always clinging to someone, or hiding behind them. Everyone else has to help me get out of trouble...

[ He swallows heavily. ]

[...he had been right. It was Naoya, wasn't it?]

...I'm sorry, but I don't see it.

I don't understand.

Whenever I'm in trouble, I always have to go to you or Red. Or I hide behind my Pokemon, let them fight for me.

[ A sniffle, though he tries to cover it. ]

I don't do things for myself. And people get hurt, my Pokemon get hurt, because they're trying to protect me...

[...He's not going to bother arguing. Why would he?

It's a waste of time, especially over the phone. Instead he lets N say his piece, and then--]

But you're just hurting yourself more by isolating yourself--instead of fixing any problems.

[...]

Maybe I don't see what you mean because we spend our time together working so that you can work with your Pokemon, but...cutting off the people who care about you won't fix anything.

It's too easy if I'm near you. To lean on you. To use you.

[ He wants, so badly, to be near Minato right now. ]

I h-have to do this on my own. They d-depend on me, and i-if I don't get better they'll get h-hurt again --

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