♔ [Text]

[singularjustice]

[ If anyone is looking for N, he will not be easy to find. His Pokemon seem to be missing too, though his name still registers on the SFC. However, he does not seem to be answering messages, though one is free to leave one and try their luck.

He does, however, send out short messages to anyone he has made plans to meet with this week, leaving them a short message that simply says: I need to cancel this week. Sorry. ]


[Private Text to Red]
I'm sorry I upset you.

But I can't be sorry for fighting Silver. I'll leave him alone now. He's got his choices, and I said what I wanted to say.

But I couldn't just let him go like that. Let him take Feraligatr back and think he had won, that everything was going to be okay the way it was. Maybe it's not important to anyone else, what a trainer does to his Pokemon. Maybe to everyone else the rights of a human is more important. But not to me.

Green's right. I don't deserve you. I'm not like other people and I'm never going to be. This just proves it.

[ The message ends there, and then, a few minutes later: ]

Go to the Clinic if you're still feeling bad. And get some sleep.

Comments

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

[. . . ?!]

[This is the first time that Red witnesses N's scars, on his back and wrists. They look... painful. Red never thought N would have any. Is N's past truly that horrifying...? What else does he not know...?

However, he doesn't comment and tries not to let the surprise show on his face. He continues to work on those bruises instead, and eventually finishing up by patching them.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N had looked up at Red at just that moment, however, catching sight of the subtle widening of his eyes. ]

...I don't look that bad, do I?

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

[Ah, he was caught either way...]

[Red gently strokes N's arm when he was done, then looks straight at his eyes.] ... That's not it, N. I just... didn't know that you had these old wounds.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

Those...?

[ N looks at his own wrist. He is so used to them that it is easy for him to forget they are there, even though he used them to frighten Silver. ]

Oh. They don't hurt any more; don't worry.

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

[... Of course they don't hurt anymore. But—]

Really?

[Red moves to hold one of N's wrists, as gently as ever. But at the same time, he reaches his other hand out and presses it against N's heart.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N manages a tiny, tired smile. ]

They were worth getting.

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

N...

[A wound worth getting? All Red can think of is that... maybe it's a sacrifice. But he doesn't question it and nods. In a way, it's good that they do have a better meaning. Red would... definitely cry for N, if it's something of abuse.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

Yes?

[ N moves his wrist out of Red's grip, only to take his hand, lacing their fingers together. ]

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

[... The thought hurts. It's good that N doesn't see these as bad scars, but. The thought hurts.

N didn't have anyone to protect him that time. He doesn't even know what happened. Red has too many things he doesn't know... even now.

He can't help but lift N's hands under his lips, not kissing it, but pressing his lips against it softly.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

[ N watches him, unsure what to do. He wants to reach out to him, to comfort him, but he does not know what words would be right to say. ]

Don't look sad... they were worth getting, as I said. Because in the end, those who gave me the scars... they weren't scared any more. They became my friends.

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

[Became... his friends? Judging from that statement, it's likely that those scars were actually from Pokemon...]

... You are a strong person, N. Deep inside, you've always had strength. Your kind of strength may not be physical, but your heart is strong... Especially if you have the desire to protect someone.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

I...

[ He hesitates. ]

I want to believe that. But I don't know if I do.

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

I've seen it... I've heard it. And so, I believe it.

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

...I hope I can believe it too, someday.

[pristinestar.livejournal.com]

I hope the same... [But he's pretty confident that N can believe in himself... someday. He just needs to keep doing his best, too. Stay as he truly is, and it will be fine.]

[singularjustice.livejournal.com]

Maybe someday...

[ Maybe someday N will feel he is worth it. But right now he feels he has to become someone else for that to happen. ]